There seem to be two major types of people when it comes to flirting.
1. I flirt constantly with anything that moves.
2. I never flirt.
The, trick, my friends, is to be somewhere in the middle.
Do's
Do flirt a LITTLE with everyone . . . . you never know how much it will help someone's confidence. And you never know who will take notice, think you seem pretty fun and personable and they really ought to ask you out sometime.
Do practice. Not into that guy/girl? A *little* flirting is harmless. If you flirt a bit, it gets easier, and he/she gets an ego boost. win win!
Don't
Don't flirt with married people. Are you an idiot?
Don't limit flirting to the people you're interested in . . . because it will be too obvious, too awkward . . . you want flirting to be a personality trait, not an olympic sport.
Don't take flirting too seriously.
Don't go too far.
This brings us to the next point . . . appropriate vs. inappropriate flirting.
Good flirting is
flattering
happy
fun
ends with normal conversation
appropriately light
Bad flirting is
offensive (sarcasm can get offensive real quick . . . so can teasing about someone's traits.)
constant
pouty
needy
sexy (Yes, sexy. You'll either look stupid, or disgusting. Don't lead with your sex appeal . . . lead with your personality.)
competitive (you can flirt with him/her later, just walk away.)
You've got to keep it light & happy . . . its like perfume or cologne. You want everyone to think you smell nice, but not choke anyone.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Its more than you think . . . .
NCMO, friends with benefits, cuddle buddies, call it what you will, but I do not understand the concept of non-committal kissing/cuddling/etc. If you think its awesome, please explain it to me in the comments.
Seriously. I don't get it at all.
Maybe its because I'm married now and I can have physical intimacy when I want to. But I don't think that's it, because I didn't understand it when I was single either.
Maybe its because I'm a girl. See guys, with girls, it never means nothing. NEVER. It always means something. It might mean, "I just want every boy to like me me me and nobody else," or, "I'm going to make that other guy super jealous." Usually it means we like you. And in our romance novel, chick flick abused brains, it means if you say it means nothing, but we let you anyway, that maybe you'll realize YOU FREAKING LOVE ME!
I like to think boys don't really know how a girl's brain works . . . that they don't realize that girls who make out with them almost always really like them . . . and its just plain mean to lead her on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M LEADING HER ON?!?!? I TOLD HER IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!
She doesn't believe you. We never do . . . because it never means nothing to us.
Boys, please explain this to me. I know for a fact many of you prefer xBox to making out. So why lead them on? Is it revenge on that one really mean girl? Because she isn't really getting the karma via NCMO . . . .
Girls, if he says it doesn't mean anything, then it doesn't. And if it doesn't mean anything, its not really any fun. Its the attraction, the mutual affection, the flutter of, "Oh my heck he could be the ONE!" that's fun. Not the nasty tounge mashing. If you think about it, its pretty gross, actually. Wow, I am tired, so this is random . . . back to the point. If he says it doesn't mean anything don't do it. Say no. Say if we're not dating, then we're not doing that.
Do another girl in the future a huge favor by teaching Mr. Committment-phobe a lesson.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Where the boys are . . .
I never meet anyone to date.
This is the most common thing I've heard singles say and I totally said it all the time. Well, knock it off because
1. Its rude.
2. This is a personal problem. Fix it.
So, why is it rude? You say this in front of people who then think, "Why the heck aren't I dateable?!?!" You really ought to stop the judging if you want to do any dating. Nobody's perfect. Step one to dating? Stop ruling people out before you really get to know them.
How to fix it:
You're a SINGLE ADULT! You don't have many limits on where you could go and what you could do.
First and foremost, I have to say, if you've been failing at dating and been somewhere a long time, there are some clear benefits to moving. You can be whoever you want in a brand new place. No one knows you, so no one is going to base what they think of you on the way you've acted in the past. You can be a whole new, better, you! Now, I understand you might have committments (job, mortgage, lease, ailing parents) so you might have to stay put. It'll be a little harder to give yourself a dateable makeover, but you can. But do consider moving if you feel your situation is impossible for dating.
GIRLS: Do you find yourself saying this a lot to your girlfriends? While you go to the latest chick flick and get your nails done? Yeah. You're not exactly going to meet anyone hanging out with your girlfriends. You need to go where the boys are. Are you attending all the activities? How about the multi stake ones? The SPORTS ones?
I know, I know, but you suck at sports and hate playing. I feel your pain, but do you want to meet a guy or not? He isn't going to show up at your slumber party. Life is not a Jane Austen or Stephanie Meyers novel. Sorry. So go. I know you're not awesome at it, but try. No squealing, hand flapping, or fetal position. Its a ball, not a bomb. You'll live. And try to have a little fun.
OR, you love sports! You're super competitive and you are gonna kick some guy butt! Show them how they really ought to get to the gym more because their fat video game playing butts are no match for your skill! Because that makes them feel confident that they want to spend more time with you . . . . *did you sense the sarcasm?* CHILL OUT, sporty spice . . . its a game and getting all worked up and angry about it kind of freaks people out . . . girls and guys both. You can get all fierce on your competitive team. An activity is supposed to be fun, mmm kay?
Ladies - bottom line - go where there will be guys. Can't meet them in your apartment. Or Enrichment. When you get there, be approachable, have fun, and be happy.
GUYS: I know there's a game on, but its 2011. DVR it. Go to stuff. If its not a game, its a Lord of the Rings/Fast and Furious/Indiana Jones/Star Wars marathon - TV is not an excuse. The guys who sit home aren't going to get the girl. If the Relief Society president plans a less-than stellar activity (dance lessons, scrapbooking, tying a quilt after institute - really?), go and make the best of it with a good attitude. Girls love it when we see a guy who can enjoy the service project, goof off a little at FHE, dress up for the Halloween party.
Now, beyond the church-sponsored activities, you need to say yes to the invites to the pool, the cabin, the after institute party. You might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier.
BOTTOM LINE:
Girls, you're not going to meet anyone to date at the new chick flick/nail salon/shoe store.
Guys, she isn't going to be hanging out with your buddies for the game.
Go to stuff, talk to people, and have fun.
This is the most common thing I've heard singles say and I totally said it all the time. Well, knock it off because
1. Its rude.
2. This is a personal problem. Fix it.
So, why is it rude? You say this in front of people who then think, "Why the heck aren't I dateable?!?!" You really ought to stop the judging if you want to do any dating. Nobody's perfect. Step one to dating? Stop ruling people out before you really get to know them.
How to fix it:
You're a SINGLE ADULT! You don't have many limits on where you could go and what you could do.
First and foremost, I have to say, if you've been failing at dating and been somewhere a long time, there are some clear benefits to moving. You can be whoever you want in a brand new place. No one knows you, so no one is going to base what they think of you on the way you've acted in the past. You can be a whole new, better, you! Now, I understand you might have committments (job, mortgage, lease, ailing parents) so you might have to stay put. It'll be a little harder to give yourself a dateable makeover, but you can. But do consider moving if you feel your situation is impossible for dating.
GIRLS: Do you find yourself saying this a lot to your girlfriends? While you go to the latest chick flick and get your nails done? Yeah. You're not exactly going to meet anyone hanging out with your girlfriends. You need to go where the boys are. Are you attending all the activities? How about the multi stake ones? The SPORTS ones?
I know, I know, but you suck at sports and hate playing. I feel your pain, but do you want to meet a guy or not? He isn't going to show up at your slumber party. Life is not a Jane Austen or Stephanie Meyers novel. Sorry. So go. I know you're not awesome at it, but try. No squealing, hand flapping, or fetal position. Its a ball, not a bomb. You'll live. And try to have a little fun.
OR, you love sports! You're super competitive and you are gonna kick some guy butt! Show them how they really ought to get to the gym more because their fat video game playing butts are no match for your skill! Because that makes them feel confident that they want to spend more time with you . . . . *did you sense the sarcasm?* CHILL OUT, sporty spice . . . its a game and getting all worked up and angry about it kind of freaks people out . . . girls and guys both. You can get all fierce on your competitive team. An activity is supposed to be fun, mmm kay?
Ladies - bottom line - go where there will be guys. Can't meet them in your apartment. Or Enrichment. When you get there, be approachable, have fun, and be happy.
GUYS: I know there's a game on, but its 2011. DVR it. Go to stuff. If its not a game, its a Lord of the Rings/Fast and Furious/Indiana Jones/Star Wars marathon - TV is not an excuse. The guys who sit home aren't going to get the girl. If the Relief Society president plans a less-than stellar activity (dance lessons, scrapbooking, tying a quilt after institute - really?), go and make the best of it with a good attitude. Girls love it when we see a guy who can enjoy the service project, goof off a little at FHE, dress up for the Halloween party.
Now, beyond the church-sponsored activities, you need to say yes to the invites to the pool, the cabin, the after institute party. You might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier.
BOTTOM LINE:
Girls, you're not going to meet anyone to date at the new chick flick/nail salon/shoe store.
Guys, she isn't going to be hanging out with your buddies for the game.
Go to stuff, talk to people, and have fun.
About Me
I'm a 30 year old mother of two who is qualified to help you with dating because I did it all wrong. How do you get through 4 years at BYU-I without a single real relationship in Rexburg? How do you write a missionary for 2 years and have it take nearly a year after he gets home to even go on a date? How do you wind up hiding behind dumpsters to avoid the dreaded DTR? And then, one day, I figured it out. I was making it all entirely too hard. This isn't about Molly Mormon, Peter Priesthood, Becky Homemaker or that guy/girl your parents can't stand. This is about real people having real expectations, real relationships, and being happy. But it takes two to tango. Book of Mormon distance, people.
Ending up pretty darn happily married is no accident.
So tell your FHE group, the guy who can't commit, that girl who keeps calling you, and drop by! Ask questions, seek advice, and be open for some change.
Ending up pretty darn happily married is no accident.
So tell your FHE group, the guy who can't commit, that girl who keeps calling you, and drop by! Ask questions, seek advice, and be open for some change.
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