I found this article and thought, "Woah! I can make like, 5 blog posts out of this!" So, give it a read and leave your thoughts.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/51631455-80/lds-says-marriage-mormon.html.csp
I've got some posts already spinning about in my brain like
The Mighty Provider
Chickens
The Myth of The One
Dating Economics
Just Ask
Is Timing Really Everything?
Bigger or Better
Why YSA Activities Flop
I'll link 'em as soon as I write 'em, but at this moment, I need to make some Mac and Chreese (yes, chreese . . . my kids have food allergies) and handle a situation involving a broom and Bugs Life.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Domestic Prostitution
You've totally seen it.
I promise.
Girl likes guy. Girl somehow thinks this is 1965 and bakes boy cookies, cleans up his kitchen, makes him dinner, bakes boy a pie.
And is totally sure its gonna make him LOVE her.
I know, just about EVERY mormon girl is guilty of a little domestic peep show . . . I once made a guy dinner once a week for almost an entire semester. (In my defense, he was from my stake and was living off ramen noodles, apples, and peanut butter because he didn't have much money and I probably would have done the same thing even if I hadn't liked him . . . . but I'll admit to an unterior motive.) Another time I made a guy cookies just before Christmas break only to catch him making out with some chick when I dropped them off. (I TOLD you, I did it wrong!) Point is, guys don't like it like you think they do. Sure, they like cookies, but they don't make you any more datable.
Guys will compare you to their mom after you get married. (One time my hubby and I had a fight because I didn't make lasagna like his moms . . . which lasagna is nasty by the way . . . so I don't make lasagna anymore. If he wants some, he can make it himself.) Before, though . . . . dating their mom isn't really the plan.
I once knew a girl who was so deep into domestic prostitution that she was cooking his dinners, leaving him neatly labeled lunches, doing his cleaning, and even doing his laundry. This left him with lots of time to do whatever he wanted . . . specifically date and get engaged to a different girl.
When you feel the need to bake the boy cookies STOP. If it isn't his one and only birthday/Christmas gift, better to pop in a chick flick and eat the cookie dough. If you bake cookies and there are some around when he comes by to visit, by all means, share away . . . but leading with your domestic prowress is a crap idea.
Honestly, I think I only ever made one meal for my hubby before we were married . . . and it was a dish I took to his Mom's for a potluck dinner after we were engaged and my parents were in town. The man didn't even know if I could cook. Didn't matter.
I promise.
Girl likes guy. Girl somehow thinks this is 1965 and bakes boy cookies, cleans up his kitchen, makes him dinner, bakes boy a pie.
And is totally sure its gonna make him LOVE her.
I know, just about EVERY mormon girl is guilty of a little domestic peep show . . . I once made a guy dinner once a week for almost an entire semester. (In my defense, he was from my stake and was living off ramen noodles, apples, and peanut butter because he didn't have much money and I probably would have done the same thing even if I hadn't liked him . . . . but I'll admit to an unterior motive.) Another time I made a guy cookies just before Christmas break only to catch him making out with some chick when I dropped them off. (I TOLD you, I did it wrong!) Point is, guys don't like it like you think they do. Sure, they like cookies, but they don't make you any more datable.
Guys will compare you to their mom after you get married. (One time my hubby and I had a fight because I didn't make lasagna like his moms . . . which lasagna is nasty by the way . . . so I don't make lasagna anymore. If he wants some, he can make it himself.) Before, though . . . . dating their mom isn't really the plan.
I once knew a girl who was so deep into domestic prostitution that she was cooking his dinners, leaving him neatly labeled lunches, doing his cleaning, and even doing his laundry. This left him with lots of time to do whatever he wanted . . . specifically date and get engaged to a different girl.
When you feel the need to bake the boy cookies STOP. If it isn't his one and only birthday/Christmas gift, better to pop in a chick flick and eat the cookie dough. If you bake cookies and there are some around when he comes by to visit, by all means, share away . . . but leading with your domestic prowress is a crap idea.
Honestly, I think I only ever made one meal for my hubby before we were married . . . and it was a dish I took to his Mom's for a potluck dinner after we were engaged and my parents were in town. The man didn't even know if I could cook. Didn't matter.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Knight in Shining Armor
So, I know some of you are waiting for your knight in shining armor. He'll come in all handsome and save you from your miserable life and you'll live happily ever after, right? Most of us got over THAT a long time ago. Life isn't a Disney movie. (Thank goodness! How'd you like to be half a fish, imprisoned in a tower, and be drawn a waistline that seriously damages all your internal organs?!?!)
The flip side?
Are YOU a knight in shining armor?
I see this ALL THE TIME . . . . call it wanting to serve, the "I found this puppy" syndrome, but I know so many guys and girls who want this job.
What's wrong with wanting to help someone? Well, nothing, really. But wanting to sweep in and save someone from the life they know and make them love you forever has some issues.
Here are some real-life examples I've seen.
Girl dates (and pays the rent, buys an xbox for) recently released inmate. 4 months later, he tells her he can't committ. Keeps xBox. She's still paying his rent.
Guy dates girl with serious eating disorder, convinced that his attention will convince her that she's beautiful. He ends the relationship after a few months, exhausted from trying to save her with compliments. She now blames him for her problem.
Girl dates 50 year old man who still lives with his parents and is frequently unemployed. She pays his kids' bills and is saving to pay the rent in a small apartment they can live in together. He continues to send his children to her instead of him for help. He stops looking for work.
Guy dates girl fresh out of a bad break up. He gives her presents, fancy dates, lots of flattery, and she goes back to the ex 6 months later. Keeps the ring.
Girl dates guy who is struggling with some serious chastity problems. She's convinced if he really loves her, he'll change. Guy breaks up with girl after bishop's request. He is NOT ready for a relationship.
Guy dates girl who has a missionary she's "waiting" for. She is sad because she misses the missionary and he wants to make her happy. No guy can measure up to the man in her head, so she refuses to committ to the guy, but accepts many, many dates. Tells the guy to get lost 2 months before missionary comes home.
Its all the same thing. Its all, "I'm going to swoop in, be the hero, my love will save you and you will love me forever!"
What's wrong with that?
In every case, the person that "needs saving" DOES NOT CHANGE. Change is something you do mostly on your own. You may have a cheerleader or a shoulder to cry on or even someone you want to change for, but its your choice. And people almost NEVER change just because someone else wants them to. In fact, in every case, the "problem" is made worse by the helping. Also, I think people who ride in to save someone are really just after an ego boost. They will be the "good one" in the relationship. It often turns into an abusive relationship later becuase they want to always control the person they're "saving."
I'm not saying that people with problems can't fall in love and navigate a relationship successfully. Everyone has problems, everyone has flaws. But a relationship is about mutual respect, and mutual work, really.
If you really want to help someone, be a friend. Help them find appropriate assistance. And maybe when they've gone through what they need to go through, there will be a chance for a real relationship. One where you get to be an equal.
The flip side?
Are YOU a knight in shining armor?
I see this ALL THE TIME . . . . call it wanting to serve, the "I found this puppy" syndrome, but I know so many guys and girls who want this job.
What's wrong with wanting to help someone? Well, nothing, really. But wanting to sweep in and save someone from the life they know and make them love you forever has some issues.
Here are some real-life examples I've seen.
Girl dates (and pays the rent, buys an xbox for) recently released inmate. 4 months later, he tells her he can't committ. Keeps xBox. She's still paying his rent.
Guy dates girl with serious eating disorder, convinced that his attention will convince her that she's beautiful. He ends the relationship after a few months, exhausted from trying to save her with compliments. She now blames him for her problem.
Girl dates 50 year old man who still lives with his parents and is frequently unemployed. She pays his kids' bills and is saving to pay the rent in a small apartment they can live in together. He continues to send his children to her instead of him for help. He stops looking for work.
Guy dates girl fresh out of a bad break up. He gives her presents, fancy dates, lots of flattery, and she goes back to the ex 6 months later. Keeps the ring.
Girl dates guy who is struggling with some serious chastity problems. She's convinced if he really loves her, he'll change. Guy breaks up with girl after bishop's request. He is NOT ready for a relationship.
Guy dates girl who has a missionary she's "waiting" for. She is sad because she misses the missionary and he wants to make her happy. No guy can measure up to the man in her head, so she refuses to committ to the guy, but accepts many, many dates. Tells the guy to get lost 2 months before missionary comes home.
Its all the same thing. Its all, "I'm going to swoop in, be the hero, my love will save you and you will love me forever!"
What's wrong with that?
In every case, the person that "needs saving" DOES NOT CHANGE. Change is something you do mostly on your own. You may have a cheerleader or a shoulder to cry on or even someone you want to change for, but its your choice. And people almost NEVER change just because someone else wants them to. In fact, in every case, the "problem" is made worse by the helping. Also, I think people who ride in to save someone are really just after an ego boost. They will be the "good one" in the relationship. It often turns into an abusive relationship later becuase they want to always control the person they're "saving."
I'm not saying that people with problems can't fall in love and navigate a relationship successfully. Everyone has problems, everyone has flaws. But a relationship is about mutual respect, and mutual work, really.
If you really want to help someone, be a friend. Help them find appropriate assistance. And maybe when they've gone through what they need to go through, there will be a chance for a real relationship. One where you get to be an equal.
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