The flip side?
Are YOU a knight in shining armor?
I see this ALL THE TIME . . . . call it wanting to serve, the "I found this puppy" syndrome, but I know so many guys and girls who want this job.
What's wrong with wanting to help someone? Well, nothing, really. But wanting to sweep in and save someone from the life they know and make them love you forever has some issues.
Here are some real-life examples I've seen.
Girl dates (and pays the rent, buys an xbox for) recently released inmate. 4 months later, he tells her he can't committ. Keeps xBox. She's still paying his rent.
Guy dates girl with serious eating disorder, convinced that his attention will convince her that she's beautiful. He ends the relationship after a few months, exhausted from trying to save her with compliments. She now blames him for her problem.
Girl dates 50 year old man who still lives with his parents and is frequently unemployed. She pays his kids' bills and is saving to pay the rent in a small apartment they can live in together. He continues to send his children to her instead of him for help. He stops looking for work.
Guy dates girl fresh out of a bad break up. He gives her presents, fancy dates, lots of flattery, and she goes back to the ex 6 months later. Keeps the ring.
Girl dates guy who is struggling with some serious chastity problems. She's convinced if he really loves her, he'll change. Guy breaks up with girl after bishop's request. He is NOT ready for a relationship.
Guy dates girl who has a missionary she's "waiting" for. She is sad because she misses the missionary and he wants to make her happy. No guy can measure up to the man in her head, so she refuses to committ to the guy, but accepts many, many dates. Tells the guy to get lost 2 months before missionary comes home.
Its all the same thing. Its all, "I'm going to swoop in, be the hero, my love will save you and you will love me forever!"
What's wrong with that?
In every case, the person that "needs saving" DOES NOT CHANGE. Change is something you do mostly on your own. You may have a cheerleader or a shoulder to cry on or even someone you want to change for, but its your choice. And people almost NEVER change just because someone else wants them to. In fact, in every case, the "problem" is made worse by the helping. Also, I think people who ride in to save someone are really just after an ego boost. They will be the "good one" in the relationship. It often turns into an abusive relationship later becuase they want to always control the person they're "saving."
I'm not saying that people with problems can't fall in love and navigate a relationship successfully. Everyone has problems, everyone has flaws. But a relationship is about mutual respect, and mutual work, really.
If you really want to help someone, be a friend. Help them find appropriate assistance. And maybe when they've gone through what they need to go through, there will be a chance for a real relationship. One where you get to be an equal.
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