Dancing Queen

Stake dances. 
Make them worse, and you get
YSA Dances. 


I'm not 100% sure why they still exist . . . I mean, I know the leaders pull out that bible verse about praising the Lord with singing and dancing, but I think they really just want to make sure you suffer the utter awkwardness that they did 20 years ago.  Green and gold ball.  Pukefest. 

But, I did say you HAVE TO GO.  Right here, see?  http://ldsinstituteofdating.blogspot.com/2011/07/where-boys-are.html

So here's how you handle it without making a complete fool of yourself. 
1.  Don't be a wallflower.  (Because you should have just stayed home.  You're not going to meet anyone AND you are perptetuating the awkwardness.  Plus you'll be in a terrible mood so if you DO meet anyone, you'll leave a less than stellar impression.)
2.  Dance. 
I realize this is the hard part, but beyond the wallflowers, who we've established are not in a good mood anyway, no one is watching because they're too busy trying not to look foolish.  Pointers on dancing: 
          a.  If you really think you can't dance, practice ahead of time by babysitting or volunteering in nursrey.  March to a beat.  If you're moving to the beat, you're doing fine.  If you can't, practice. 
          b.  Do some silly moves.  Because if you can laugh at yourself, you are confident, humble, and fun.  Shopping cart, baby! 
          c.  GIRLS:  Do not bust out your moves from your lap dancing work out video.  You'll just embarass yourself and others.  Keep it fun.  No one brought dollar bills anyway and you don't take credit cards.  Just sayin.
          d.  Talk while you dance.  If the music is too loud, ask them to turn it down just a bit.  You're there to be social, not get a work out. 
          e.  Dance with a group of girls and guys.  I'm mostly talking to girls here . . . you're notorious for dancing in a man repelling circle of bff's. 
          f.  Slow song?  Ask someone to dance.  Yes, I'm talking to the guys AND the girls.  Its not a big deal . . . . which brings us to . . .
          g.  Say yes.  Its a dance.  Its not even a date.  It ain't gonna kill you to dance with someone you're not in love with.  You might make a new friend, find out they're not as unattractive as you thought (see previous post), or, in the worst-case scenario, have a funny story to tell someday.
I know the music isn't great, the decorations laughable and the food, well, GONE, but make the best of it and have a good time.  They don't come around that often.  It'll be ok. 

What?  What do you wear? 

If its a costume dance, dress up.  Find two friends to do it too.  If no one else does, you're the cool one.  If its not a costume dance, wear something you feel comfortable and confident in.  (And maybe dust off your For the Strength of Youth pamphlet . . . hot pants and a corset might not be the best plan . . . . )  And flat shoes, girls.  You can wear heels, but bring flats.  You're not in charge of making sure the chairs don't float away. 

Flirting - its a balancing act . . . .

There seem to be two major types of people when it comes to flirting. 
1.  I flirt constantly with anything that moves. 
2.  I never flirt. 
The, trick, my friends, is to be somewhere in the middle. 

Do's
Do flirt a LITTLE with everyone . . . . you never know how much it will help someone's confidence.  And you never know who will take notice, think you seem pretty fun and personable and they really ought to ask you out sometime. 
Do practice.  Not into that guy/girl?  A *little* flirting is harmless.  If you flirt a bit, it gets easier, and he/she gets an ego boost.  win win!

Don't
Don't flirt with married people.  Are you an idiot? 
Don't limit flirting to the people you're interested in . . . because it will be too obvious, too awkward . . . you want flirting to be a personality trait, not an olympic sport. 
Don't take flirting too seriously. 
Don't go too far. 

This brings us to the next point . . . appropriate vs. inappropriate flirting. 
Good flirting is
flattering
happy
fun
ends with normal conversation
appropriately light

Bad flirting is
offensive (sarcasm can get offensive real quick . . . so can teasing about someone's traits.)
constant
pouty
needy
sexy (Yes, sexy.  You'll either look stupid, or disgusting.  Don't lead with your sex appeal . . . lead with your personality.) 
competitive (you can flirt with him/her later, just walk away.)

You've got to keep it light & happy  . . . its like perfume or cologne.  You want everyone to think you smell nice, but not choke anyone.

Where the boys are . . .

I never meet anyone to date. 

This is the most common thing I've heard singles say and I totally said it all the time.  Well, knock it off because
1.  Its rude. 
2.  This is a personal problem.  Fix it. 

So, why is it rude?  You say this in front of people who then think, "Why the heck aren't I dateable?!?!"  You really ought to stop the judging if you want to do any dating.  Nobody's perfect.  Step one to dating?  Stop ruling people out before you really get to know them. 

How to fix it: 
You're a SINGLE ADULT!  You don't have many limits on where you could go and what you could do. 
First and foremost, I have to say, if you've been failing at dating and been somewhere a long time, there are some clear benefits to moving.  You can be whoever you want in a brand new place.  No one knows you, so no one is going to base what they think of you on the way you've acted in the past.  You can be a whole new, better, you!  Now, I understand you might have committments (job, mortgage, lease, ailing parents) so you might have to stay put.  It'll be a little harder to give yourself a dateable makeover, but you can.  But do consider moving if you feel your situation is impossible for dating. 
GIRLS:  Do you find yourself saying this a lot to your girlfriends?  While you go to the latest chick flick and get your nails done?  Yeah.  You're not exactly going to meet anyone hanging out with your girlfriends.  You need to go where the boys are.  Are you attending all the activities?  How about the multi stake ones?  The SPORTS ones? 
I know, I know, but you suck at sports and hate playing.  I feel your pain, but do you want to meet a guy or not?  He isn't going to show up at your slumber party.  Life is not a Jane Austen or Stephanie Meyers novel.  Sorry.  So go.  I know you're not awesome at it, but try.  No squealing, hand flapping, or fetal position.  Its a ball, not a bomb.  You'll live.  And try to have a little fun. 
OR, you love sports!  You're super competitive and you are gonna kick some guy butt!  Show them how they really ought to get to the gym more because their fat video game playing butts are no match for your skill!  Because that makes them feel confident that they want to spend more time with you . . . . *did you sense the sarcasm?*  CHILL OUT, sporty spice . . . its a game and getting all worked up and angry about it kind of freaks people out . . . girls and guys both.  You can get all fierce on your competitive team.  An activity is supposed to be fun, mmm kay? 
Ladies - bottom line - go where there will be guys.  Can't meet them in your apartment.  Or Enrichment.  When you get there, be approachable, have fun, and be happy. 
GUYS:  I know there's a game on, but its 2011.  DVR it.  Go to stuff.  If its not a game, its a Lord of the Rings/Fast and Furious/Indiana Jones/Star Wars marathon - TV is not an excuse.  The guys who sit home aren't going to get the girl.  If the Relief Society president plans a less-than stellar activity (dance lessons, scrapbooking, tying a quilt after institute - really?), go and make the best of it with a good attitude.  Girls love it when we see a guy who can enjoy the service project, goof off a little at FHE, dress up for the Halloween party. 

Now, beyond the church-sponsored activities, you need to say yes to the invites to the pool, the cabin, the after institute party.  You might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier.

BOTTOM LINE: 
Girls, you're not going to meet anyone to date at the new chick flick/nail salon/shoe store. 
Guys, she isn't going to be hanging out with your buddies for the game. 
Go to stuff, talk to people, and have fun.