Domestic Prostitution

You've totally seen it. 

I promise. 

Girl likes guy.  Girl somehow thinks this is 1965 and bakes boy cookies, cleans up his kitchen, makes him dinner, bakes boy a pie. 

And is totally sure its gonna make him LOVE her. 

I know, just about EVERY mormon girl is guilty of a little domestic peep show . . . I once made a guy dinner once a week for almost an entire semester.  (In my defense, he was from my stake and was living off ramen noodles, apples, and peanut butter because he didn't have much money and I probably would have done the same thing even if I hadn't liked him . . . . but I'll admit to an unterior motive.)  Another time I made a guy cookies just before Christmas break only to catch him making out with some chick when I dropped them off.  (I TOLD you, I did it wrong!)   Point is, guys don't like it like you think they do.  Sure, they like cookies, but they don't make you any more datable. 

Guys will compare you to their mom after you get married.  (One time my hubby and I had a fight because I didn't make lasagna like his moms . . . which lasagna is nasty by the way . . . so I don't make lasagna anymore.  If he wants some, he can make it himself.)  Before, though . . . . dating their mom isn't really the plan. 

I once knew a girl who was so deep into domestic prostitution that she was cooking his dinners, leaving him neatly labeled lunches, doing his cleaning, and even doing his laundry.  This left him with lots of time to do whatever he wanted . . . specifically date and get engaged to a different girl. 

When you feel the need to bake the boy cookies STOP.  If it isn't his one and only birthday/Christmas gift, better to pop in a chick flick and eat the cookie dough.  If you bake cookies and there are some around when he comes by to visit, by all means, share away . . . but leading with your domestic prowress is a crap idea. 

Honestly, I think I only ever made one meal for my hubby before we were married . . . and it was a dish I took to his Mom's for a potluck dinner after we were engaged and my parents were in town.  The man didn't even know if I could cook.  Didn't matter. 

Not now

As an LDS single, I bet you're familiar with a lot of not nows . . . .

DON'T DATE until you're 16. 
DON'T GO ON DATES 1 ON 1 until you're 18 or after a mission. 
DON'T BE EXCLUSIVE until you're ready for marriage.
DON'T HAVE SEX until you're married. 

Got another one for ya . . .

DON'T TALK ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS until you're talking marriage. 


I think this is sound advice. 

Have you ever been on a first date with someone who talks about past relationships?  It makes you pretty sure that you're not really that exciting to be with and they'd rather be out with one of those other people.  So newly dating is a danger zone for talking about past relationships. 
At the same time, I can imagine that first learning about past relationships after marriage would be pretty dicey too.  Talk about a good way to start an arguement!  I mean, why are you bringing that person up and why are you even thinking about them and why didn't you ever tell me you were to that point in that relationship . . . . that could get ugly. 

So, I'm one of those, "secrets don't make friends" people that thinks you really should know all about your spouse.  I want to know my hubby better than anyone else.  I want to know the whole story . . . even the bad parts.

I think you should talk about past relationships when you are firmly in the talking marraige zone . . . . when the "m-word" isn't scary, but exciting . . . it might be before you're engaged or just after . . . but probably not when in the trenches of wedding planning.  And you have to disclose it all.  Even *gasp!* a few past no-no's. 

WHAT?!?!?  WHY?!?!? 

Well, first and foremost, as future life-long sexual partners, you need to know where the other has been . . . is there any testing you need to do?  Second, there's a chance you'll run into an old flame sometime . . . make the awkward easier by knowing what's up.  Third, past relationships end for a reason and often teach you a lesson.  If you can be a grown up about this conversation, you'll see that your lovey's past has made them who they are.  You should be committed enough at this point in the relationship to be confident that you love each other with eyes wide open, accepting of flaws and faults and history.  Fourth, surprises in marriage can be really hard to take in, especially since you'll probably find the surprises during a rough patch.  Fifth, you've got to know each other's weaknesses so you can help each other when things get tough.  There are a lot of reasons to tell. 

Well, I can disclose all past relationships, but not THAT one . . .
Ummmm, maybe you need to get over that person before you marry someone else.  Just sayin'. 

About past sins . . . ALL of them? 
Well, I don't think you've got a list somewhere to hand over and I don't think your sweetheart gives a crap about the candy bar you stole in third grade.  This is going to require some listening to the Spirit to know just what you should talk about.  You're on your own for that one.  The trick here is to be mature enough on the listening end to realize something that happened 5 years ago really isn't going to destroy your brand new shiny love!  Can you see why this conversation would be a bad idea on a third date? 

Just believe me when I say I love knowing a LOT about my husband.  It helps me to know him better and love him more.