DON'T DATE until you're 16.
DON'T GO ON DATES 1 ON 1 until you're 18 or after a mission.
DON'T BE EXCLUSIVE until you're ready for marriage.
DON'T HAVE SEX until you're married.
Got another one for ya . . .
DON'T TALK ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS until you're talking marriage.
I think this is sound advice.
Have you ever been on a first date with someone who talks about past relationships? It makes you pretty sure that you're not really that exciting to be with and they'd rather be out with one of those other people. So newly dating is a danger zone for talking about past relationships.
At the same time, I can imagine that first learning about past relationships after marriage would be pretty dicey too. Talk about a good way to start an arguement! I mean, why are you bringing that person up and why are you even thinking about them and why didn't you ever tell me you were to that point in that relationship . . . . that could get ugly.
So, I'm one of those, "secrets don't make friends" people that thinks you really should know all about your spouse. I want to know my hubby better than anyone else. I want to know the whole story . . . even the bad parts.
I think you should talk about past relationships when you are firmly in the talking marraige zone . . . . when the "m-word" isn't scary, but exciting . . . it might be before you're engaged or just after . . . but probably not when in the trenches of wedding planning. And you have to disclose it all. Even *gasp!* a few past no-no's.
WHAT?!?!? WHY?!?!?
Well, first and foremost, as future life-long sexual partners, you need to know where the other has been . . . is there any testing you need to do? Second, there's a chance you'll run into an old flame sometime . . . make the awkward easier by knowing what's up. Third, past relationships end for a reason and often teach you a lesson. If you can be a grown up about this conversation, you'll see that your lovey's past has made them who they are. You should be committed enough at this point in the relationship to be confident that you love each other with eyes wide open, accepting of flaws and faults and history. Fourth, surprises in marriage can be really hard to take in, especially since you'll probably find the surprises during a rough patch. Fifth, you've got to know each other's weaknesses so you can help each other when things get tough. There are a lot of reasons to tell.
Well, I can disclose all past relationships, but not THAT one . . .
Ummmm, maybe you need to get over that person before you marry someone else. Just sayin'.
About past sins . . . ALL of them?
Well, I don't think you've got a list somewhere to hand over and I don't think your sweetheart gives a crap about the candy bar you stole in third grade. This is going to require some listening to the Spirit to know just what you should talk about. You're on your own for that one. The trick here is to be mature enough on the listening end to realize something that happened 5 years ago really isn't going to destroy your brand new shiny love! Can you see why this conversation would be a bad idea on a third date?
Just believe me when I say I love knowing a LOT about my husband. It helps me to know him better and love him more.
