I found this article and thought, "Woah! I can make like, 5 blog posts out of this!" So, give it a read and leave your thoughts.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/51631455-80/lds-says-marriage-mormon.html.csp
I've got some posts already spinning about in my brain like
The Mighty Provider
Chickens
The Myth of The One
Dating Economics
Just Ask
Is Timing Really Everything?
Bigger or Better
Why YSA Activities Flop
I'll link 'em as soon as I write 'em, but at this moment, I need to make some Mac and Chreese (yes, chreese . . . my kids have food allergies) and handle a situation involving a broom and Bugs Life.
Showing posts with label girl brain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girl brain. Show all posts
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Domestic Prostitution
You've totally seen it.
I promise.
Girl likes guy. Girl somehow thinks this is 1965 and bakes boy cookies, cleans up his kitchen, makes him dinner, bakes boy a pie.
And is totally sure its gonna make him LOVE her.
I know, just about EVERY mormon girl is guilty of a little domestic peep show . . . I once made a guy dinner once a week for almost an entire semester. (In my defense, he was from my stake and was living off ramen noodles, apples, and peanut butter because he didn't have much money and I probably would have done the same thing even if I hadn't liked him . . . . but I'll admit to an unterior motive.) Another time I made a guy cookies just before Christmas break only to catch him making out with some chick when I dropped them off. (I TOLD you, I did it wrong!) Point is, guys don't like it like you think they do. Sure, they like cookies, but they don't make you any more datable.
Guys will compare you to their mom after you get married. (One time my hubby and I had a fight because I didn't make lasagna like his moms . . . which lasagna is nasty by the way . . . so I don't make lasagna anymore. If he wants some, he can make it himself.) Before, though . . . . dating their mom isn't really the plan.
I once knew a girl who was so deep into domestic prostitution that she was cooking his dinners, leaving him neatly labeled lunches, doing his cleaning, and even doing his laundry. This left him with lots of time to do whatever he wanted . . . specifically date and get engaged to a different girl.
When you feel the need to bake the boy cookies STOP. If it isn't his one and only birthday/Christmas gift, better to pop in a chick flick and eat the cookie dough. If you bake cookies and there are some around when he comes by to visit, by all means, share away . . . but leading with your domestic prowress is a crap idea.
Honestly, I think I only ever made one meal for my hubby before we were married . . . and it was a dish I took to his Mom's for a potluck dinner after we were engaged and my parents were in town. The man didn't even know if I could cook. Didn't matter.
I promise.
Girl likes guy. Girl somehow thinks this is 1965 and bakes boy cookies, cleans up his kitchen, makes him dinner, bakes boy a pie.
And is totally sure its gonna make him LOVE her.
I know, just about EVERY mormon girl is guilty of a little domestic peep show . . . I once made a guy dinner once a week for almost an entire semester. (In my defense, he was from my stake and was living off ramen noodles, apples, and peanut butter because he didn't have much money and I probably would have done the same thing even if I hadn't liked him . . . . but I'll admit to an unterior motive.) Another time I made a guy cookies just before Christmas break only to catch him making out with some chick when I dropped them off. (I TOLD you, I did it wrong!) Point is, guys don't like it like you think they do. Sure, they like cookies, but they don't make you any more datable.
Guys will compare you to their mom after you get married. (One time my hubby and I had a fight because I didn't make lasagna like his moms . . . which lasagna is nasty by the way . . . so I don't make lasagna anymore. If he wants some, he can make it himself.) Before, though . . . . dating their mom isn't really the plan.
I once knew a girl who was so deep into domestic prostitution that she was cooking his dinners, leaving him neatly labeled lunches, doing his cleaning, and even doing his laundry. This left him with lots of time to do whatever he wanted . . . specifically date and get engaged to a different girl.
When you feel the need to bake the boy cookies STOP. If it isn't his one and only birthday/Christmas gift, better to pop in a chick flick and eat the cookie dough. If you bake cookies and there are some around when he comes by to visit, by all means, share away . . . but leading with your domestic prowress is a crap idea.
Honestly, I think I only ever made one meal for my hubby before we were married . . . and it was a dish I took to his Mom's for a potluck dinner after we were engaged and my parents were in town. The man didn't even know if I could cook. Didn't matter.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Put Down the Glitter Pens and Nobody Gets Hurt
The List.
Girls, you know what I'm talking about. Guys, maybe you do too? Every former Laurel has one. Tucked into her scriptures, forgotten in a Personal Progress book, well worn in a diary, proudly displayed on her bedroom wall, or always on hand in her purse.
Usually written on plain white paper, the list is doodle-rific with hearts and swirls and pretty handwriting.
Most of us started the list the same way . . . . sitting in Young Women's, the often ignored teacher endures the eye rolls at the beginning of another Eternal Marriage lesson, knowing she has a secret weapon. She struggles to get every girl's attention as she prepares to announce "the fun part" of the hour. She may even have brought stickers, glitter pens, and scrapbook paper. The girls quiet down and stare their, "I so know this already" stares and try not to look interested. The instructor triumphantly holds her chalk in the air and reads, "Qualities I want in a future husband". The girls slowly reach for the pens. They write a few things down. Before they know it, the page is full of Mr. Right's prerequisites.
When I got this lesson, I happened to be writing a missionary (dumb) so I'm pretty sure my paper just said, "Elder Smith" with hearts and swirls. *headdesk*
But it saved me from The List. Which is lucky.
I rarely thought of The List again. I thought of it when a roommate's fell out of her scriptures. I thought about it when a friend was rewriting hers in her journal. I thought about it when a companion wanted to tell me all about hers. I gasped when I saw it glittering proudly on a 20-something-year-old girl's bedroom wall. Something about that pinky purple inked checklist made me angry. If I were a guy, I'd be TICKED.
See, you guys are always being measured against The List.
And The List becomes The Law.
And its more than just the churchy stuff on the list! It includes babysitting experience, attractiveness, hair color, financial stability, and a lot more.
I have really and truly seen many, many girls decide to never give some guys a chance because they don't fulfill the requirements of The List. "I'll never go on a date with him because he isn't a return missionary, has a student loan, wasn't given a leadership position on his mission, I heard him swear once, he is too short, he doesn't want x number of kids, doesn't have enough money, doesn't want a high enough paying job, has too long of hair, the wrong color hair, not clean cut enough . . . " Sound familiar?
This is wrong. Ladies. Throw away the list. You are a big girl now, capable of making good decisions and listening to the Spirit. You might strike someone out who would be really great for you. There is so much more to people than just the things on your list!
Spill, do you have a list? Does it rule your dating world?
Have you ever dated a girl with a list? Did you know about it?
Girls, you know what I'm talking about. Guys, maybe you do too? Every former Laurel has one. Tucked into her scriptures, forgotten in a Personal Progress book, well worn in a diary, proudly displayed on her bedroom wall, or always on hand in her purse.
Usually written on plain white paper, the list is doodle-rific with hearts and swirls and pretty handwriting.
Most of us started the list the same way . . . . sitting in Young Women's, the often ignored teacher endures the eye rolls at the beginning of another Eternal Marriage lesson, knowing she has a secret weapon. She struggles to get every girl's attention as she prepares to announce "the fun part" of the hour. She may even have brought stickers, glitter pens, and scrapbook paper. The girls quiet down and stare their, "I so know this already" stares and try not to look interested. The instructor triumphantly holds her chalk in the air and reads, "Qualities I want in a future husband". The girls slowly reach for the pens. They write a few things down. Before they know it, the page is full of Mr. Right's prerequisites.
When I got this lesson, I happened to be writing a missionary (dumb) so I'm pretty sure my paper just said, "Elder Smith" with hearts and swirls. *headdesk*
But it saved me from The List. Which is lucky.
I rarely thought of The List again. I thought of it when a roommate's fell out of her scriptures. I thought about it when a friend was rewriting hers in her journal. I thought about it when a companion wanted to tell me all about hers. I gasped when I saw it glittering proudly on a 20-something-year-old girl's bedroom wall. Something about that pinky purple inked checklist made me angry. If I were a guy, I'd be TICKED.
See, you guys are always being measured against The List.
And The List becomes The Law.
And its more than just the churchy stuff on the list! It includes babysitting experience, attractiveness, hair color, financial stability, and a lot more.
I have really and truly seen many, many girls decide to never give some guys a chance because they don't fulfill the requirements of The List. "I'll never go on a date with him because he isn't a return missionary, has a student loan, wasn't given a leadership position on his mission, I heard him swear once, he is too short, he doesn't want x number of kids, doesn't have enough money, doesn't want a high enough paying job, has too long of hair, the wrong color hair, not clean cut enough . . . " Sound familiar?
This is wrong. Ladies. Throw away the list. You are a big girl now, capable of making good decisions and listening to the Spirit. You might strike someone out who would be really great for you. There is so much more to people than just the things on your list!
Spill, do you have a list? Does it rule your dating world?
Have you ever dated a girl with a list? Did you know about it?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Attractive . . .
There was this big shift in the late 90's. See, we'd just done grunge, anything goes, just be yourself, accept people for who they are and then, all of the sudden, here comes Brittney Spears with her bubble gum pop, mini skirts, and bleached hair and BAM! You've gotta be who you are BUT be physically attractive.
I remember all of the sudden people worried more about hair, make up, and the plastic surgery industry went BANANAS.
I also remember that all of the sudden when LDS people were talking about dating, they always summed it up with, "but the other person should be reasonably attractive. I mean, you can't multiply and replenish the earth if you just don't think the other person is attractive."
This is STUPID. Its a clear example of letting the "world" dictate your behavior.
"b b b b b b b BUT!"
NO. Its stupid.
Ok, I'll prove it. Think back to when you were a little kid. Who was the most beautiful woman in the world? Your mom. Event the Disney princesses took a back seat to mommy. Who was the most handsome? Dad.
No, I'm not going to get all Freud here. I think there's a real reason. You thought your parents were BEAUTIFUL people. Why? Because you loved them. You loved them completely. They could yell at you and make you mad and not buy you candy and you woke up the next day and loved them. Now that I have kids, I totally see this in action. There is nobody my kids love more than Mom and Dad no matter how imperfect we are.
Flip side - every mom and dad thinks their children are BEAUTIFUL. I've seen some of those kids with the super proud parents on Toddlers and Tiaras and been like, ummm . . . . . yeah. Admit it, we've all seen ugly babies with doting parents and grandparents.
So, what has that got to do with finding people attractive?
If you love someone, there's a good chance, you'll find them attractive. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. If you find them attractive first, there's a good chance you're experiencing lust, not love.
I'm not saying you can't date attractive people, I'm just saying you can't decide whether someone is attractive or not before you get to know them pretty well.
I was talking to someone about this and explained that the way people look changes over time . . . . you gain weight, you lose weight, you have babies (hello, stretch marks and loose skin on my tummy!), you get wrinkles, grey hair, dudes sprout chest hair, and nose hair . . . . it happens. And if you are shallow and went for looks first, rather than love, you will be one unhappy couple.
Also, this seems to be a problem more widespread among the ladies. On the whole, guys seem less caught up in this. I've seen guys date lots of not super cute girls. They like those girls because they're nice and fun and hey, maybe they are cute after all. (That's how it works!)
Girls will refuse to even TALK to a boy they deem unattractive so they don't "lead him on". Jerks. Really! And when they talk about boys, its always about how they LOOK. This makes for grouchy jaded boys who don't even bother to ask girls out. This is pretty much our fault, girls.
BUT, I sympathize with you ladies because we were RAISED this way. (Stupid Disney princesses!) I mean, we're not just worried about what the guys look like . . . we're always beating the crap out of ourselves over a blemish, smudged makeup, hair color, uneven tan, wrong bra size . . . we don't discriminate . . . we critique ourselves the worst and then move on to everyone else.
I'll let you in on something I very recently figured out . . . I didn't meet my husband until I knocked that off. I had to make a conscious decision to stop. And I wasn't perfect at it, but I tried. I took care of myself, but stayed too busy to be constantly worried about how I (and everyone else) looked. And I married myself someone who I find very attractive . . . but it wasn't like I was squealing, "He's so hot!" when I met him.
So, long winded post, but I'm putting it out there! Do you agree? Disagree? Anyone care to experiment with letting go of the superficial business and letting us know if it impacts YOUR love life?
I remember all of the sudden people worried more about hair, make up, and the plastic surgery industry went BANANAS.
I also remember that all of the sudden when LDS people were talking about dating, they always summed it up with, "but the other person should be reasonably attractive. I mean, you can't multiply and replenish the earth if you just don't think the other person is attractive."
This is STUPID. Its a clear example of letting the "world" dictate your behavior.
"b b b b b b b BUT!"
NO. Its stupid.
Ok, I'll prove it. Think back to when you were a little kid. Who was the most beautiful woman in the world? Your mom. Event the Disney princesses took a back seat to mommy. Who was the most handsome? Dad.
No, I'm not going to get all Freud here. I think there's a real reason. You thought your parents were BEAUTIFUL people. Why? Because you loved them. You loved them completely. They could yell at you and make you mad and not buy you candy and you woke up the next day and loved them. Now that I have kids, I totally see this in action. There is nobody my kids love more than Mom and Dad no matter how imperfect we are.
Flip side - every mom and dad thinks their children are BEAUTIFUL. I've seen some of those kids with the super proud parents on Toddlers and Tiaras and been like, ummm . . . . . yeah. Admit it, we've all seen ugly babies with doting parents and grandparents.
So, what has that got to do with finding people attractive?
If you love someone, there's a good chance, you'll find them attractive. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. If you find them attractive first, there's a good chance you're experiencing lust, not love.
I'm not saying you can't date attractive people, I'm just saying you can't decide whether someone is attractive or not before you get to know them pretty well.
I was talking to someone about this and explained that the way people look changes over time . . . . you gain weight, you lose weight, you have babies (hello, stretch marks and loose skin on my tummy!), you get wrinkles, grey hair, dudes sprout chest hair, and nose hair . . . . it happens. And if you are shallow and went for looks first, rather than love, you will be one unhappy couple.
Also, this seems to be a problem more widespread among the ladies. On the whole, guys seem less caught up in this. I've seen guys date lots of not super cute girls. They like those girls because they're nice and fun and hey, maybe they are cute after all. (That's how it works!)
Girls will refuse to even TALK to a boy they deem unattractive so they don't "lead him on". Jerks. Really! And when they talk about boys, its always about how they LOOK. This makes for grouchy jaded boys who don't even bother to ask girls out. This is pretty much our fault, girls.
BUT, I sympathize with you ladies because we were RAISED this way. (Stupid Disney princesses!) I mean, we're not just worried about what the guys look like . . . we're always beating the crap out of ourselves over a blemish, smudged makeup, hair color, uneven tan, wrong bra size . . . we don't discriminate . . . we critique ourselves the worst and then move on to everyone else.
I'll let you in on something I very recently figured out . . . I didn't meet my husband until I knocked that off. I had to make a conscious decision to stop. And I wasn't perfect at it, but I tried. I took care of myself, but stayed too busy to be constantly worried about how I (and everyone else) looked. And I married myself someone who I find very attractive . . . but it wasn't like I was squealing, "He's so hot!" when I met him.
So, long winded post, but I'm putting it out there! Do you agree? Disagree? Anyone care to experiment with letting go of the superficial business and letting us know if it impacts YOUR love life?
Friday, July 29, 2011
Its more than you think . . . .
NCMO, friends with benefits, cuddle buddies, call it what you will, but I do not understand the concept of non-committal kissing/cuddling/etc. If you think its awesome, please explain it to me in the comments.
Seriously. I don't get it at all.
Maybe its because I'm married now and I can have physical intimacy when I want to. But I don't think that's it, because I didn't understand it when I was single either.
Maybe its because I'm a girl. See guys, with girls, it never means nothing. NEVER. It always means something. It might mean, "I just want every boy to like me me me and nobody else," or, "I'm going to make that other guy super jealous." Usually it means we like you. And in our romance novel, chick flick abused brains, it means if you say it means nothing, but we let you anyway, that maybe you'll realize YOU FREAKING LOVE ME!
I like to think boys don't really know how a girl's brain works . . . that they don't realize that girls who make out with them almost always really like them . . . and its just plain mean to lead her on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M LEADING HER ON?!?!? I TOLD HER IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!
She doesn't believe you. We never do . . . because it never means nothing to us.
Boys, please explain this to me. I know for a fact many of you prefer xBox to making out. So why lead them on? Is it revenge on that one really mean girl? Because she isn't really getting the karma via NCMO . . . .
Girls, if he says it doesn't mean anything, then it doesn't. And if it doesn't mean anything, its not really any fun. Its the attraction, the mutual affection, the flutter of, "Oh my heck he could be the ONE!" that's fun. Not the nasty tounge mashing. If you think about it, its pretty gross, actually. Wow, I am tired, so this is random . . . back to the point. If he says it doesn't mean anything don't do it. Say no. Say if we're not dating, then we're not doing that.
Do another girl in the future a huge favor by teaching Mr. Committment-phobe a lesson.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Where the boys are . . .
I never meet anyone to date.
This is the most common thing I've heard singles say and I totally said it all the time. Well, knock it off because
1. Its rude.
2. This is a personal problem. Fix it.
So, why is it rude? You say this in front of people who then think, "Why the heck aren't I dateable?!?!" You really ought to stop the judging if you want to do any dating. Nobody's perfect. Step one to dating? Stop ruling people out before you really get to know them.
How to fix it:
You're a SINGLE ADULT! You don't have many limits on where you could go and what you could do.
First and foremost, I have to say, if you've been failing at dating and been somewhere a long time, there are some clear benefits to moving. You can be whoever you want in a brand new place. No one knows you, so no one is going to base what they think of you on the way you've acted in the past. You can be a whole new, better, you! Now, I understand you might have committments (job, mortgage, lease, ailing parents) so you might have to stay put. It'll be a little harder to give yourself a dateable makeover, but you can. But do consider moving if you feel your situation is impossible for dating.
GIRLS: Do you find yourself saying this a lot to your girlfriends? While you go to the latest chick flick and get your nails done? Yeah. You're not exactly going to meet anyone hanging out with your girlfriends. You need to go where the boys are. Are you attending all the activities? How about the multi stake ones? The SPORTS ones?
I know, I know, but you suck at sports and hate playing. I feel your pain, but do you want to meet a guy or not? He isn't going to show up at your slumber party. Life is not a Jane Austen or Stephanie Meyers novel. Sorry. So go. I know you're not awesome at it, but try. No squealing, hand flapping, or fetal position. Its a ball, not a bomb. You'll live. And try to have a little fun.
OR, you love sports! You're super competitive and you are gonna kick some guy butt! Show them how they really ought to get to the gym more because their fat video game playing butts are no match for your skill! Because that makes them feel confident that they want to spend more time with you . . . . *did you sense the sarcasm?* CHILL OUT, sporty spice . . . its a game and getting all worked up and angry about it kind of freaks people out . . . girls and guys both. You can get all fierce on your competitive team. An activity is supposed to be fun, mmm kay?
Ladies - bottom line - go where there will be guys. Can't meet them in your apartment. Or Enrichment. When you get there, be approachable, have fun, and be happy.
GUYS: I know there's a game on, but its 2011. DVR it. Go to stuff. If its not a game, its a Lord of the Rings/Fast and Furious/Indiana Jones/Star Wars marathon - TV is not an excuse. The guys who sit home aren't going to get the girl. If the Relief Society president plans a less-than stellar activity (dance lessons, scrapbooking, tying a quilt after institute - really?), go and make the best of it with a good attitude. Girls love it when we see a guy who can enjoy the service project, goof off a little at FHE, dress up for the Halloween party.
Now, beyond the church-sponsored activities, you need to say yes to the invites to the pool, the cabin, the after institute party. You might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier.
BOTTOM LINE:
Girls, you're not going to meet anyone to date at the new chick flick/nail salon/shoe store.
Guys, she isn't going to be hanging out with your buddies for the game.
Go to stuff, talk to people, and have fun.
This is the most common thing I've heard singles say and I totally said it all the time. Well, knock it off because
1. Its rude.
2. This is a personal problem. Fix it.
So, why is it rude? You say this in front of people who then think, "Why the heck aren't I dateable?!?!" You really ought to stop the judging if you want to do any dating. Nobody's perfect. Step one to dating? Stop ruling people out before you really get to know them.
How to fix it:
You're a SINGLE ADULT! You don't have many limits on where you could go and what you could do.
First and foremost, I have to say, if you've been failing at dating and been somewhere a long time, there are some clear benefits to moving. You can be whoever you want in a brand new place. No one knows you, so no one is going to base what they think of you on the way you've acted in the past. You can be a whole new, better, you! Now, I understand you might have committments (job, mortgage, lease, ailing parents) so you might have to stay put. It'll be a little harder to give yourself a dateable makeover, but you can. But do consider moving if you feel your situation is impossible for dating.
GIRLS: Do you find yourself saying this a lot to your girlfriends? While you go to the latest chick flick and get your nails done? Yeah. You're not exactly going to meet anyone hanging out with your girlfriends. You need to go where the boys are. Are you attending all the activities? How about the multi stake ones? The SPORTS ones?
I know, I know, but you suck at sports and hate playing. I feel your pain, but do you want to meet a guy or not? He isn't going to show up at your slumber party. Life is not a Jane Austen or Stephanie Meyers novel. Sorry. So go. I know you're not awesome at it, but try. No squealing, hand flapping, or fetal position. Its a ball, not a bomb. You'll live. And try to have a little fun.
OR, you love sports! You're super competitive and you are gonna kick some guy butt! Show them how they really ought to get to the gym more because their fat video game playing butts are no match for your skill! Because that makes them feel confident that they want to spend more time with you . . . . *did you sense the sarcasm?* CHILL OUT, sporty spice . . . its a game and getting all worked up and angry about it kind of freaks people out . . . girls and guys both. You can get all fierce on your competitive team. An activity is supposed to be fun, mmm kay?
Ladies - bottom line - go where there will be guys. Can't meet them in your apartment. Or Enrichment. When you get there, be approachable, have fun, and be happy.
GUYS: I know there's a game on, but its 2011. DVR it. Go to stuff. If its not a game, its a Lord of the Rings/Fast and Furious/Indiana Jones/Star Wars marathon - TV is not an excuse. The guys who sit home aren't going to get the girl. If the Relief Society president plans a less-than stellar activity (dance lessons, scrapbooking, tying a quilt after institute - really?), go and make the best of it with a good attitude. Girls love it when we see a guy who can enjoy the service project, goof off a little at FHE, dress up for the Halloween party.
Now, beyond the church-sponsored activities, you need to say yes to the invites to the pool, the cabin, the after institute party. You might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier.
BOTTOM LINE:
Girls, you're not going to meet anyone to date at the new chick flick/nail salon/shoe store.
Guys, she isn't going to be hanging out with your buddies for the game.
Go to stuff, talk to people, and have fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)